:-(

Just talked to my mom. Things don't look good. They won't get her biopsy results back until tomorrow or Tuesday, but her blood counts have been going down. The only reason her counts would be going down right now is that they didn't get rid of all of the leukemia. If she was in remission, her marrow would be producing enough good cells to start replenishing her blood after the chemo. They had to give her another transfusion today, when at this point she should be making enough red blood cells that she shouldn't need another transfusion until her next round of chemo.

She's been so cheery for everyone and hasn't even told my dad or my sister what's going on. For some reason, I'm the one she breaks down to. It's so strange, because we haven't been close for years. I asked my sister tonight if my mother has cried around her at all since this whole thing started, and she said no. She's broken down to me several times. I don't know why she picks me. I'm glad she feels like she has someone she can let go with, though. She kept telling me she wasn't upset because she was sick, she just missed us all so much. I told her it was ok to be upset about being sick. I told her that right now she must feel incredibly helpless and out of control. That would make anyone upset. I told her that nobody would hold it against her if she needed to cry about things. It's not like her to be helpless, and that has to be a tough transition. She kept saying that "whatever happens we need to pull together." I know she's scared right now.

I really want to cry right now, but C. isn't all the way asleep yet. When he heard me telling my sister what was going on he got up out of bed and climbed on my lap and just held me. After I got off the phone with her, he told me that he didn't want me to be sad. I don't want to put any more stress on him than he's already dealing with.

:(